The Big Whiskey

I left work the other day on my to KFC. Upon my arrival to KFC I found that the line inside the store for KFC was f’in huge. So after pondering on my next step I decided to into the drive thru since there was not a single car in line. After pulling up to the speak er I proceeded to order my food. During my order I notice that I was talking with my hands at the Speaker. At one point I actually pointed at the baked beans and when the lady over the speaker asked if I wanted a pepsi I shook my head and then Said no. After feeling rather ashamed of my antics I pulled up and got my food and the cashier/ drive thru person was smiling. I left KFC on that day wondering if she was laughing at me? I know I was.

I know I have not stayed on top of writing post to this blog in a while but I am going to start trying to remember  to stay on top of this. However I am a rather forgetful person. What I mean by that is I am rather lazy. Its not the fact that I dont have anything to say, just ask my girlfriend.  Anyways This is a post just to remind myself to post nothing more. I guess it could be more if my fingers were not already tired from typing.

I can admit when I am wrong but I will never admit I had a bad idea. Let me further explain.  I recently helped my girlfriend move. During the move I managed to move 2 couches, 1 Dining room table, 1 Breakfast table, and countless boxes by myself. The one thing I tried to move but I could not was a washing Machine up a flight of stairs.

Typically a washing Machine is not something overly difficult to move. This Son of bitch was impossible. The first attempt with a ½ dolly up a flight of old wooden stairs with about 20 coats of latex paint and did I mention the floor and stairs were wet did not go so well? After I got the washing machine up the first stair I was able to realize and admit that this was not the way I was going to over come this challenge. After taking a slight break and thinking to myself “what would MacGyver do” I realized that I could build something that was unstable, not very safe and could kill me. So I built an f’in ramp. I found some old boards and nailed them to the old wet stairs. At this point I was on a role and nothing could stop me. Nothing except gravity and the fact that I don’t really use my brain. Did I also mention gravity? Ok the moment of truth had arrived. I leaned the washing machine over and started to push it up the stairs with all my might yelling obscenities and turning red looking like I might explode. Inch by inch the washing machine moved until I got to the crucial point were I was almost fully extended and the washing machine was only at the half way point. All I needed was to move the washing machine about 3 more inches until it got to the top of the board so I could rest the WM on the edge of the Board. I took a deep breath, grunted, and that is when the unthinkable happened. I pushed up; my feet slipped and gave way.  My face collided with a washing Machine starting on its decent back down the stairs. My right knee slammed on old wooden and wet stairs. I rolled backwards down the stairs looking up with a split second to move out of the way of the washing machine coming down the stairs like a drunk down hill skier and just like a drunk down hill skier it slammed on the floor. As I got up, my pants were wet, my face scrapped up and my Ego bruised from not being able to move the damn washing  maching from my girlfriend’s house. My girlfriend looked down the stairs and the only word I that would come to her mind was DUNMBASS!

I have realized that I have got many talents. One of my talents is being able to guess random shit. Like my girlfriend and I went to the grocery store and twice I have been able to guess the amount within a dollar or 2. Today a friend told me I she had something with to do with friends next week and as she was walking up I said this going to happen at Friday @ 2:00. With the look of amazmement as if I had showed her one of my other talents she said how did you know the  time and I told her it was purely a guess. However it was the exact time and it was a damn good guess. So as I was later describing this amazing talent via IM I stated a simple fact….

***** says:

i’m like rain man..but hot

I go to the gym..not alot but every now and then. I pay 50.00 per month so what the hell. I am always in amazement at what I hear at the gym. As a Straight Male w/ a girlfriend I am rather comfortable  with my surroundings but I suspect for some guys  150 years ago when the Young Men’s Christian Association started they had no idea these thing would be said.

5. Are you and Rafeal still fighing? Said in the men’s locker room

4. Your legs look great what do use to get them so smooth? ..again mens locker room

3. That was a nice pump..said to guy while another guy was standing behind him

2. I can’t believe her and I have the same friends. Now my new girlfriend and I cant go hangout at parties anymore…This was said by a female

1. Right now my all time favorite…..Your husband is looking good… Said from one male to another while doing benchpress.

If any of this gayness rubs off on me I might have to punch my self in the face.. 

  I am no angel and I have never claimed to be. I do somethings that are contradictory but I hardly ever doing anything as bad as I saw today. As I was walking out of the gym today I saw a man with conviction that was literally walking up to the gym door and smoking. He put the smoke out at the door entrance and walked in. I smoke on occasion and every now and then but I never, ever would smoke walking into the gym. I mean that is committing yourself to smoking and being as contradicory as you can. It like ordering a big mac and a diet coke when your on a diet or even better it like putting an elavator in an outhouse. These thing do not go together but I must salute this guy for staying true to the sweet nicotine.

After a conversation last night when describing the deep seeded hatred I have for Home depot I realized that it takes a lot for me to drive 5 minutes out of my way for better service.

            Let me explain. I recent have been remodeling my house(for the past 8 months) and I have had many trips to home depot (land of nazis and whores) and I have figured out that they don’t know shit. Its not that I know anything about home repair but I have spent my time reading the 1-2-3 how to do it books and its not that hard to tell the difference between a hammer and midget on fire but evidently these fuckers cant do that. Which brings me to my point that even though there is a lowes no more than 5 minutes from home depot (birthplace of tyranny and oppression). Lowes is like shangra-la It was the best service, virgins bathing themselves in the bird ponds, smart and kind people willing…no wanting to help. They even have everything in Spanish since all constructions workers except 2 are latino. The place is a slice of heaven. However I still go to hoe depot(that is not a typo). I think I  am just stuck in my ways and since I am going there this weekend to buy drywall I am rather sure that I will have to put it in the cart and then load it in my truck by myself. Its like being a girl with a boyfriend that treats you like a piece of trash. You can’t help to keep going back until you have to put a restraining order against them.

I don’t think so. I fucking loath my neighbor. I was setting home last night enjoying my 12 inch TV and enjoying inhaling drywall dust and drinking water when I saw my neighbor use my driveway…Let me explain I live in the country so I have along driveway and so does my neighbor. My driveway is partially paved and my neighbor is not. So when it rains very heavily as it did last night the process erosion takes place and basically leaves a hug hole in my neighbor’s driveway. When this happens they feel the need to use my driveway. This makes my head spin in circles and blood come out of my ears. I fucking hate these people. They are lazy and worthless. The 2 things I cant stand about people. I don’t mind if someone is lazy..I am lazy…I don’t mind if someone is worthless…I have friends that are like that….But combine the 2 and top it off with a bit of rudeness Makes a man wanna put a “cap in somebodies ass”. Somedays I am just not a “people person”.

Yesterday my dog of 14 yrs passed away in a very sad way. I thought I would tell a little story to remember my little daschund/beagle the way she was.

       When “scooter” was 4 and I was 19 we lived in a in house together and we laughed/barked together and set on the couch watching TV just hanging out. A boy and his dogtype of thing. Well as a rambuncious youth a dabbled in what I know call “devil Weed” or as you kids call it “mary jane” or the “Cush”. This time in my life I happen to dabble in really good pot. After a hard day working in a factory and going to school at night i was ready to come home and roll a joint and get stoned, not just high, stoned. As I walk in the door to my house and I call for my little 10 pund dog and I dont get the littile greeting I was used to. I didn’t think much about so I strolled on into my bedroom where the little illiegal pleasure i desired so much was waiting for me or So I thought. When I turn the corner into my bedroom all I see is my “stash” or what is left of it laying on the floor  with the ziplock baggy chewed up laying beside the bed. In between the baggy and what is left of my stash is my “stoned” little puppy looking up as if to stay “i need a twinky bitch”.  If you have haven’t got it by now my dog at my stash! My 10 pund dog ate close to a 1/2 quarter of really good pot. When I set on floor crying/laughing i tried to get “scooter” to set up and she was so stoned that her legs slid apart and she couldn’t even get up so for own enjoyment I kept propering up and watching slide back to the floor. I know this is mean but it was sooooo damm funny. Then as I scavenged what I could and packed my bowl I caught a buzz and fixed me a plate of pizza rolls I feed some to “scooter” to get her sobered back up. How that dog was able to pull a bag that was under my matress I will never know….God bless that little dog.

Sometimes I can be a little insensitive towards people. However most the time it is out of fun and for those that know me find that I make fun of everyone regardless of who or what they are. The reason I bring this up is I was walking in the park with girlfriend and I saw some people playing volleyball and I thought it was a group latinos. My comment was there is a soccerfield I thought they would be playing Soccer. As we got closer my girlfriend said i think the are of indian descent… she is very political correct unlike I. My thought was I guess there is a call center near by or a software development company. What I actually said was Raja passes the ball to Patel, Patel Spikes the ball on Piyush, Piyush down and we need medics it appears the DOT has been knocked off his head. This was rather funny to “this guy” doing Indian play-by-play but no one else laughed…when I say no one else I mean my girlfriend. I guess I really am unseneistive bastard..but as I write this you know what would have been even better is using call center names…chuck passes to bill..bill passes to Jim, Jim spikes the ball on Russell…I think someday someone is going to posion my curry Chicken..